Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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