I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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