i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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