his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
