there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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