My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
