dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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