Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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