your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
