It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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