im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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