I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
