How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
smell my finger.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
