help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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