On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
