i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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