I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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