I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
