Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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