My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
