As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
