Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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