i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
