The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
