That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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