dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
