it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
