did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
