the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
