Me too!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
