I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am one with the molecules
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
