You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
