There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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