Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
