It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
