you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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