go do what you do best...puke behind churches
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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