Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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