OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
