i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
