Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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