You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
