Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
