Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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