How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
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