my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
