i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
