when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
