i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
