Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
