Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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